


Things You Get Wrong.

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: Thing You Get Podcast [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Also Valkyrie is the best and we should all love her, Also in this Thor is the best and we should all love him, Alternate Universe, BAMF Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, NO assault of any kind in the story but its referenced, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Protective Thor, Rhodey is the best and we should all love him ok, They have a podcast!, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, anyways idk what this is so i hope you like it, its almost triple the length it was supposed to be, she's so frustrated with the lack of beta representation ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 22:37:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16458341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Tony and Val sit on one side of the table, nachos between them, while Thor sits on the other side of the table judging their bad eating habits silently. They don’t give a shit because nachos.“So,” Val says through a mouth full of nachos, “welcome to Things You Get Wrong, a podcast where apparently all we do is call alphas shit and advocate genocide against them according to Twitter user OmegasAreCucks69, whom we should all take very seriously."





	Things You Get Wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for awhile, and it just sort of fell out with many more words than I thought. Also the structure of this is really weird mostly because I've written out the podcast- something I've never done before- so there's a lot of dialogue. But there's a lot less when its between Thor and Tony for obvious reasons, the longer bits are more warranted there lol.
> 
> Also there's a lot of reference to abuse and sexual assault, none happens in the story, but that's something to be aware of. Some of it is reference to abuse against Tony specifically, which is canon typical, but good to watch out for.
> 
> Last thing: I am SO sorry this boi is so long. But I didn't feel like breaking it up.

Tony, Thor, and Valkyrie sit around a table with microphones in front of them mostly ignoring them. “Um, I guess you start,” Thor says to Tony and he sighs.

“Make Val do it.”

“Eat me, Stark, you start,” she says probably only to be a dick head.

He sighs, “fine, welcome to Things You Get Wrong, a podcast about all the dumb shit you probably thought was true about the ABO scale. Today we’re talking about heats and _no_ , omegas do not fucking get horny when in heat that was, to be blunt, a lie this random alpha made up to excuse rape. Also lots of sexual assault in this episode, that warning came late, but you know. Be aware of that.”

Val snorts and shakes her head. “Every single time, Stark. So when the hell did this lie become a thing?” she asks.

“Also,” Thor says, “I can imagine that omegas were rather upset with this so did like… no one listen to them?”

Tony shrugs, “basically, yeah. So back when the Enlightenment happened and we wanted to figure everything out some jackhole was like ‘hey, why are omegas so useless’ and started studying them. We all know about those awful omega-specific mental illnesses of the past that basically boiled down to ‘oh, you think you deserve autonomy and don’t like being abused? Clearly you’re mentally ill.’ _But_ it gets worse. So within the subsection of supposedly mentally ill omegas this French doctor literally whipped the idea of horny omegas in heat out of his ass basically because he wanted to have sex with his patients because they smelled good.”

Predictably Thor’s eyes bug out of his head and Val starts laughing. “That is _horrifying_ ,” she says through her laughs. It had been off putting, at first, for listeners given that both his and Val’s reactions to literally everything was jokes and laughter, which didn’t tend to match the horrifying tone of the show, but they’ve since gotten used to it. Either that or they’ve figured out that its not that either of them think any of this is funny, they just use humor and laughs as a coping mechanism to avoid contact with the horrible things in life.

Thor gives Val a confused look but leaves it in favor of asking questions. “Okay, _what_?” Thor asks. “What do you mean out of his ass? Was this like… a new theory?”

New theory, Tony snorts. “This wasn’t just new, this went against literally everything people believed at the time. Prior to roughly 1750 people had eyeballs and could observe that omegas feel like shit in heat and obviously needed care considering how often we died off during it. Then this bag of hair came along and was like ‘hmm smell pretty should fuck’ and _somehow_ this changed everyone’s opinions. Seriously, his theory took hold over night with _no_ evidence, and in fact omegas everywhere were a fucking _field_ of question marks, and it _still_ hasn’t gone away. Which we all know given how often people cite heats as Reasons Alphas Rape- which we all know is total horse shit.”

Thor squints, “okay, so I’m guessing this theory came with the caveat that heats make alphas horny, or was that later?”

Val rubs her temples, “if betas ran everything we wouldn’t have this issue.”

Honestly Tony is inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt there given that this show could be renamed Alphas Ruin Everything And Ten Years Later Betas Prove Them All Wrong, But No One Listens To The Reasonable Betas. “Funny you say that because betas took like fifty years to fall for that shit. There was this other doctor at the time, predictably a beta, who was also studying omegas who basically started an academic subtweeting argument before that was a thing. So him and Idiot Alpha Doctor whom I _refuse_ to name because that jack hole shouldn’t go down in history, ended up writing these competing scientific reports on omega behaviors that neither got right, but at like at least Jack over here wasn’t proscribing _rape_ as medicine-”

“ _What_?” Thor asks, looking more horrified than he had ten seconds before that. And he had looked pretty disgusted.

Tony sighs, “yeah, I mean people were like ‘hmm, my omega doesn’t seem to enjoy sex in heat is there something wrong?’ And this guy was like ‘yeah just have sex with them anyways, they’ll like it eventually’, which obviously didn’t _work_. Which led to people problematizing heats and treating them like its own form of mental illness basically because this one guy with a degree was a serial rapist and decided _everyone_ should be.”

Thor looks ready to throw up and Val sighs. “Back to the reasonable beta,” she says.

“Right, yeah. So this guy was wrong in ninety percent of his theories because he thought omegas were shit too, but he _really_ didn’t like the idea that somehow heats made omegas horny. He held up previously held beliefs of the time, which, to get back to Thor’s question about horny alphas, was that omegas were basically useless most of the time except to teach alphas nurturing skills. Before Dumbass Alpha Doctor alphas were actually considered the most nurturing people in the ABO scores, and they tended to seemingly naturally care for omegas in heat. So he thought omegas were good parent practice, and, because omegas are especially fertile, great for reproduction but then you throw ‘em out. But heats didn’t make _anyone_ horny was his main argument.”

Val raises an eyebrow because that’s _not_ what people consider true today, obviously, and Thor looks surprised as well. “I thought there was something wrong with me! I’ve never been horny around omegas in heat, I just wanted to take care of them and apparently that’s what we’re supposed to do!”

Tony laughs a little, “to be fair, there’s no real evidence that’s true _or_ false. I’d argue that you’re a naturally caring person and that you’re likely to take care of anyone you perceive as in need of help- hence why you don’t hate your siblings when anyone else in your position would- but those were the beliefs of the time.”

“Well obviously no one listened to the reasonable beta,” Val says. “Otherwise we wouldn’t be using heats in a court of law to like… excuse sex crimes.”

Yeah, no shit. “To be fair that guy was also awful and basically advocated for omegas to be used as human breeders because that’s the only use he could find for omegas. But I still have to laugh at his arguments against the idea of heats making anyone horny because they all started with lines that were basically ‘uh, do you have eyes? Do they _work_?’”

“So,” Thor says, “how and why does this idea persist? I mean I’ve seen a lot of omegas in heat and honestly had no idea how that could possibly make them horny but we’re still taught that that’s true.”

Tony shrugs, “why did Sigmund Freud’s theories get so popular when he was a sex obsessed coke head who only had like two and a half good ideas and often used a _lack_ of evidence _as_ his evidence? If he was theorizing now and started talking about the Oedipus Complex we’d call him a piece of shit drug addict and throw him in the ocean. Basically, from what I gather, like Freud the guy was just in the right place at the right time and people liked his theories enough for them to stick.”

Val looks between Thor and Tony for a moment, “okay, confession time- omegas smell fucking _great_ in heat. No offense. And also what gives you guys the right to smell like that covered in sweat? I smell like a pile of dead shit left out in the heat and you smell like sunshine and the hopes and dreams of small children,” she says.

He grins, “another myth about heats- that only alphas can smell them and be affected by them. Omegas and betas smell heats just fine, think they smell just as pretty, and because this shitty guy’s unsubstantiated bullshit has permeated culture _so_ hard we don’t even recognize that as the same thing. Also there’s no known reason why we smell good, that’s just how we are. Seriously, people have put effort into is but we just have pleasant smelling sweat.”

Thor sits back in his seat, “is there every going to be an episode where I’m not horrified by alphas? Like did any of them at the time think ‘hey, this clearly does not hold up to reality at all so maybe the doctor is wrong’ instead of ‘this doesn’t match what the doctor says, maybe the _omega_ is wrong’?”

“There were plenty that did, yeah, but they were pretty quickly drowned out when other doctors decided this was obviously the truth. Minus betas, mostly, until the early eighteen hundreds. I actually think that this is a problem of the way we view experts- I deal with this a lot as someone considered to be an expert myself, but we get shit wrong a _lot_. People don’t like that though, and the way the media reports on our findings is almost always sensationalistic. The lesson to be learned here is just because someone has a degree doesn’t make them right or even mean they have anything useful to say. Sometimes they’re just shitty people looking for victims who are unlikely to run away on account of feeling like they’re dying.”

“And omegas never said anything? Or were they drowned out too?” Val asks.

Tony shrugs, “no one listened to them before, so when they were all collectively confused and trying to tell their doctors that _no_ , that’s not how the fuck heats work they were ignored some more. A lot of omegas actually ended up institutionalized basically for telling doctors their research was wrong. Funnily enough by the time the first DSM came out in the fifties we’d already figured out enough to know horny omegas in heat were total shit, so that wasn’t even included as a mental disorder like it would have been pre- World War One. Yet the idea of horny heats continues in all the same horrifying ways it started with.”

“Well,” Thor says, “I don’t know about anyone else but I’m mad that I’ve gone through my whole life thinking something is wrong with me because one disgusting French doctor made stuff up.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares off at nothing and Val nods.

“Yeah, actually I had no idea that betas and omegas were affected by heats at all. So like, fuck that guy because I also thought there was something up with me but I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t think that was normal but you guys smell good. You should bottle that shit and sell it,” Val says.

Tony grins, “fun fact: omega sweat was the first perfume ever distributed widely. In a modern sense though there’s an entire business model of omegas selling stuff they’ve come in contact with in heat. Strangely its considered sex work, which makes no sense considering most of it is selling sweaty clothing, not anything related to sex or sexual stuff.”

Thor makes an irritated noise, “its that stupid doctor’s influence. Figure out how to build a time machine, we will throw him in the ocean before he ‘discovers’ his incorrect and disgusting findings and solutions,” he says.

*

They’re all looking over the comments about the podcast on their Twitter page but its always Val who replies. They’ve decided this is the best way because Tony can’t argue with stupid and Thor is such a sweetie, he’s always way too nice and ends up wasting hours of his time trying to convince someone that doesn’t really want to learn that he’s telling the truth. Val, however, hits people with the facts in a way that gets her message across but also presents a no-nonsense attitude towards bullshit and misinformation.

This time it’s a series of ‘is your omega horny or are they horny _because_ they’re in heat- correlation isn’t causation take a fucking stats course’. “You posted all the information,” Thor says, dejected and confused.

“People will think what they believe whether or not it’s true,” Tony says. Doesn’t matter that he posted seven decades worth of research, most of it debunking material, if people really want to believe heats make people horny they will damn well do so.

Val shakes her head, “this guy is a creep, I’m done arguing with him. On to this confusing omega who for some reason buys into this shit,” she mumbles.

“Why does this always happen?” Thor asks.

Val and Tony exchange a look. “Its so sweet how genuinely nice you are. But people don’t like confronting the possibility that maybe they’re wrong about something they’ve believed their whole lives to be true. I’ve been there,” Tony says. Its not pleasant, but he’s learned the value in questioning more than just the things that seem obviously wrong to him over the years. And, perhaps to no one’s surprise, the things that were obviously wrong to him were the things that his lived experience proved wrong. Like omegas being naturally demure baby makers- he’s not demure, and he can’t even say he loves and wants kids without some freak crawling out of the word work to tell him that of _course_ he does, he’s an omega. Its not that, he just likes kids. Rhodey is an omega and he hates them, can’t stand being around them.

But when people have accepted something as fact its hard to change their minds, especially if they’re a member of the general public. Scientists, it seems, are a little more willing to accept that they’re wrong. Not always, but the idea that new science will potentially replace old science is prevalent enough that change doesn’t seem as scary to people who do research.

Thor sighs, “people are stupid,” he mumbles.

*

Tony, Thor has learned, has absolutely no concept of what it means to be treated well. The public, business investors, his father, old lovers, even old friends have all mistreated him so badly that the barest sense of human decency is like handing Tony something extremely valuable that he’ll cherish more than he should. And Thor, because he’s horrified of the way Tony treats common decency, _refuses_ to take credit for it.

He smiles down at Thor’s frankly sad attempt at dinner- he’s never been a good cook- like Thor has handed him the sun or something. “Thanks,” Tony says with way too much gratitude in his voice for something that’s such a simple favor. He’d made food for himself anyways, it made sense to make enough for Tony.

“Its just noodles, Tony. And I think made them wrong,” he says, looking at the sad attempt at a meal.

“Its still a nice thing to do,” Tony says, smiling up at him like he’s been handed some grand prize and that just breaks Thor’s heart. No one should be so mistreated that this is some kind of large show of affection. It really only makes Thor more determined to ensure that Tony knows this is _normal_ , that this is the way he should be treated all the time by everyone.

“Well, if I accidentally poison you I’m sorry,” Thor says, giving the food another skeptical look.

Tony laughs, “I doubt the food is poison, Thor. Now if Rhodey cooked it _then_ I’d be suspicious. His mom was a fantastic cook but try as she might he did not pick up on that talent.” Yes, Thor has been an unfortunate victim of his cooking so he knows. Loki is even worse than that still and Thor has been subjected to that too.

“I suppose you make a point there,” he says.

For the rest of the night Tony is extra affectionate, like he needs to reward Thor’s good behavior with attention for fear of losing it again and that makes Thor even more angry at the people who’ve mistreated him in the past. He doesn’t want, or need, rewards for his affections towards Tony. He’s an affectionate person by nature; he’s not doing anything out of the ordinary or even anything above and beyond for Tony to attach himself to. Sometimes he does, but Tony doesn’t like large displays of affection mostly because they tend to be public and he draws enough attention from the media without them speculating on his love life more than they do already.

So Thor sticks to smaller ways to show Tony he loves him and Tony laps it up because he’s been so starved for good attention his whole life he thinks its some kind of special treat. Its painful to watch sometimes but he’d never pull any of that affection away, but he ensures that he doesn’t treat it as a special event like Tony does. This is how a relationship is _supposed_ to work and he will do his best to show Tony that until he finally stops reacting like Thor might yank the rug out from underneath him like near everyone else has. He needs to convince Tony, he supposes, that this isn’t a trick- that he’s not going to only treat him well until he’s lulled into a false sense of security. This is just how Thor is.

*

Tony sits curled in Thor’s lap because why the fuck not and Val is across the room raiding the mini bar. They’ve got microphones in front of them. “Val, you introduce this one because you were the one who suggested the topic,” Tony tells her. Like he or Thor would have thought to talk about horror flicks- Tony hates horror and Thor finds the genre exploitative. He prefers sci-fi and action and Thor, for some dumbass reason, likes _romance_.

Val grins, “okay, so welcome to Things You Get Wrong, a podcast about stuff you probably get wrong about the ABO scare. Alright, slight deviation from our usual format. Today we’re talking about _Slasher_ , the not so cleverly named movie that came out what, seven years ago?” she asks Tony, probably because he’s the one who usually does the research.

“Nine years ago,” he corrects.

She nods, “right. So background on the movie. Essentially it’s the same as any slasher flick- you have a group of people, they all get killed off except for one. What made this movie so different is that the target for the killer was alphas, and the killer- spoiler alert- turned out to be an omega. People lost their _shit_ when this movie came out.”

Tony laughs because he remembered that back in his teens but he hadn’t gone to see it because he doesn’t like horror. But he did remember how instantly popular it had been with omegas despite somehow not knowing the twist ending until he watched it last week as part of the research for the podcast. He’d actually ended up liking it more than he thought he would and Thor didn’t hate it, which is high praise from someone who hates the genre.

“I remember when this came out and like… it was on the _news_ because people thought it would cause problems?” Thor asks more than states. “I don’t watch horror so I never paid attention, but this ended up being the movie version of ‘video games cause kids to kill people’. Until I watched the movie I had no idea why given that violence in our media is quite prevalent.”

Val raises an eyebrow, “why do you think people paid more attention to this than other slashers?” she asks.

Thor sighs, “well, it might be because I’ve also done a bunch of research because I didn’t understand why this caused such a panic really, but clearly people were afraid of what could happen if omegas acted like alphas do. Like that’s it- every killer in a slasher before this was an alpha or presumed to be one and people really didn’t like the reverse.”

“What people didn’t like is that the movie flipped the narrative of the usual slasher flick. Usually an alpha kills omegas who are doing things omegas aren’t supposed to be doing- they’re neglecting the kids if they’re babysitters, or they’re having sex before they should, or they’re members of other minority groups. But this movie had an omega that killed alphas that acted gross towards her. If we follow the usual slasher script the movie condemned alphas for sexually harassing omegas and treating them badly- telling them ‘don’t do this or we’ll kill you’. They didn’t like when _they_ got that ultimatum,” he says. Pretty much ever news story, panic, and criticism reflects that too.

“Well that’s more eloquent and put together than my argument,” Thor mumbles sadly. Tony laughs though because Thor isn’t as used to deconstructing stuff like this. He doesn’t need the ability to walk into a room and determine if someone is being an asshole to him because he’s an omega or because they’re just an asshole. Tony does, and has learned to pick up on the cues.

Val nods, “I mean as usual betas don’t exist in this universe I guess. But reading what the director and writer wanted to do was interesting- basically he wanted to make a slasher for omegas so he took all the tropes from slashers and made a killer omegas can relate to. He didn’t think it would cause mass pants- shitting fear among alphas who thought omegas would watch it and get _ideas_.”

Thor frowns, “that’s curious, because all of our media is exceptionally violent to omegas, but any time they’ve pointed out the potential consequences of this they’ve all been met with ‘silly omegas, this is fiction’ even when people _have_ used media as a template to kill omegas.”

“The difference, I think, in the way omegas treated this and the way alphas treat media that depicts violence towards omegas is the already built in assumption that omegas are lesser. Violence against omegas exists, the fact that we see it reflected in our media, and then again reflected back onto omegas isn’t shocking. But for omegas _Slasher_ was just a wish fulfillment film they’ve never actually do. You know, like every other movie in existence. I mean people don’t watch Harry Potter because they want to be a wizard, they watch it because for once good defeats evil and its all wrapped up in a nice little bow,” he says.

“I totally want to be a wizard,” Val says and Tony snorts and laughs.

“Yeah, but you’re not going to try and become one because you watched Harry Potter though.”

“Fine, sure. But you’re right I think too- honestly all the panic that amounted to ‘hide this from your omegas, they might kill you because you abused them!’ basically reflects alpha’s panic over the possibility that maybe omegas would reach a breaking point and deliver the same treatment they’d been getting for centuries,” Val says. “And for omegas it was a chance for them to finally see someone punished for the shitty things that happen to them. Your calling it a wish fulfillment story is damn accurate. Which brings me to the second unintended audience of the movie: betas. We fucking loved that shit because alphas are dicks to us too. I remember watching it in theaters and the whole audience _applauded_ when it turned out the killer was an omega who was tired of alpha nonsense.”

Damn, now Tony is disappointed he didn’t go see it in theaters, he probably would have clapped too. Thor frowns though, “seriously?” he asks, not maliciously but Tony bristles a little anyways out of habit. Thor notices and lays a hand on his thigh, a small sign of reassurance.

Val shrugs, “to this day it’s one of like, three movies that takes bad alpha behavior and makes it the villain of the story. Usually that kind of gross sexual persistence and harassment is shown as the way to win over your local omega. And sometimes a beta, but rarely,” she says.

“Like your dumb romance movies,” Tony tells him and Thor lets out a long sigh.

“We can like problematic things, I just love love okay, leave a man be,” he says. Tony wonders if he knows he’s quoted Terry Crews’ character from Brooklyn Nine Nine. Though, he supposes, Thor is basically the white version of Terry from the show.

“I love how you just came for his movie taste. Also its true, your movies suck,” Val tells him. Thor wilts a little and Tony pats the hand on his thigh gently. They all like something with problems, yes, and Tony’s guilty pleasure is bad action movies. God knows omegas are always treated like conquests and sex objects in them but there’s explosions and cool cars, damn it. “But back to the movie- this thing was like an overnight cultural phenomenon and alphas were scared shitless. Did you guys watch the news reports I sent you?”

They both nod and Tony honestly feels bad for Thor because he near pissed himself laughing though all of it. But he’s curious to see what Thor thinks so he turns to him. Thor looks surprised to be the center of attention but sits up straighter a little, giving Tony an apologetic look.

“I… honestly I don’t get it, like I said before when concerns of movies influencing violence against omegas was brought up by omegas it was dismissed, but when alphas were afraid suddenly this is the kind of thing we take seriously? So I thought okay, _maybe_ they have reason to be afraid. Don’t look at me like that Tony,” he says, at least having the good sense to look a little apologetic about his dumb opinion.

“I was playing the Devil’s Advocate, and I should have known that was a dumb position to take because as soon as I looked into reasons omegas liked that movie, according to omegas, it was for all the reasons you’ve already listed. It’s a wish fulfillment revenge fantasy, for once bad alpha behavior was being called out, and for once they were the ones with the power- that was a big thing I found actually. Omegas were tired of being weak, and I never thought of this until I read omegas opinions on this movie, but every single thing I read liked that the killer didn’t need her sexuality to seduce the alphas to death, she just killed the shit out of them. I went and looked up movies that had omegas seducing alphas to achieve some kind of end and the list was like-”

“All of them?” Tony says, letting out a loud snort. Val does too, because betas, if they’re even present in movie roles at all, serve a similar function. Usually its more historical films where the movie makers assume because omegas were supposed to be in the home they actually _were_ there when that was only ever true for upper class white omegas. The rest worked and died like everyone else did. But the misconception often leads to betas playing the seductive roles omegas do in historical movies because betas weren’t considered attached to the home.

Thor sighs, “basically, yeah. Honestly the reasons omegas liked the movie had nothing to do with alphas being killed exactly, but that they were portrayed in a powerful position where they weren’t sex objects where the violence against then was punished. Which makes alphas finding this insidious that much more suspicious to me because they were all essentially mad that omegas liked that they weren’t objects and that being mad at the abuse they suffer is righteous and that revenge is okay. Which, revenge on someone who’s wronged you, is an entire _trope_ in movies starring alphas and we don’t think they’re going to go around killing people so why was this a problem?”

They all know the answer to that so none of them say it. “So I read this great quote about the movie from an omega scholar- we’ll leave the article in the show notes like normal. So he says ‘when confronted with the possibility that they may be treated with the same callous disregard for personhood omegas face daily alphas balked. They were shocked that they could be the victim, and that an omega could be the perpetrator. But when we see the reverse we view it as normal.’ Which like, awesome quote, right?” she asks, grinning.

“That’s an apt way to sum up the panic this movie caused,” Thor says.

Tony nods, “that, and despite alpha’s worries not a single omega ever copied the movie. So really they were upset with the possibility that omegas were as fucked up and depraved as them. Which is both a low opinion of alphas and a totally bullshit opinion of omegas. Though there was one beta-”

“ _No_!” Val says, upset that for once betas weren’t the mostly reasonable ones.

“Shush, all he did was threaten to stab an alpha and name the movie- guy didn’t even get stabbed. But that’s the only incident I found that was even remotely reminiscent of alpha’s panic at the time. Though, to be fair, omega killers are actually a lot more efficient at killing and caught a lot less so like… I guess fearing omega killers is somewhat reasonable.” He shouldn’t admit to all the research he’s done on the topic, but _someone_ had to comb through all the omega serial killers in history to see if any of them were influenced by this movie.

Okay, so he only needed to comb through the last nine years but still.

Thor nods, “I actually know that! When Loki was going through his serial killer phase-” he starts but Val cuts him off.

“I love how he says that like its totally normal.”

“Right? Actually I shouldn’t judge, I had a true crime phase but I focused on poisonings. Read a lot of Jonestown.” And they didn’t even drink Kool-Aid, it was Flavor Aid so that ‘drink the Kool Aid’ thing is historically inaccurate but if he tells people that they look at him like Val is looking at him now.

“Actually that tends to be the favored method of killing for omegas. Its half of what makes them so hard to catch- they don’t tend to leave as much evidence and use poisons that are hard to trace because they’re common,” Thor says.

“What about betas?” Val asks, predictably. It’s basically the tagline of their show.

Tony shrugs, “don’t know if anyone has done studies on it.”

Val rolls her eyes, “predictable,” she mumbles.

“What I’ve always found weird, and it ties into the topic of the show tonight, is that people consider poisoning a passive method of killing and that all murders committed by omegas are displayed as passive. That was a huge criticism of the movie- that stabbing and evisceration isn’t a common method of killing for omegas and honestly I find that absurd,” Thor says.

The long, drawn out eye roll that Val lets out makes Tony sad they went with podcast over YouTube channel. “I remember reading that too, and the attached assumption of poisoning being passive.”

Tony frowns, “have any of these people ever _been_ poisoned?” he asks.

Thor and Val frown at him. “Have… _you_?” Thor asks after a long pause.

“Obviously, yeah-” he starts but Val cuts him off.

“ _Obviously_? What the fuck?” she asks, clearly reflecting Thor’s emotions.

He sighs, “people don’t like weapons developers and for some stupid reason people thought a great way to get to my dad was through me. Poisoning something I ate or drank was easier than trying to kill me in some other way. Don’t know why anyone thought Howard cared though, not when I spent my entire childhood telling people I was being abused and no one ever listened. If they had they’d know I was a shit target given that he clearly didn’t give a fuck about me.”

Thor looks rightly horrified and Val laughs uncomfortably. “Is that why you don’t like being handed things?” he asks, paler than normal.

Tony shrugs, “pretty much. Also why I tend to drive myself everywhere instead of letting someone else do it, and also why I don’t tend to eat out that often.”

“Well that’s fucking horrifying,” Val says eventually. “Back to the podcast because that’s less vomit inducing.”

“Unless you’re squeamish then its quite vomit inducing,” Thor says.

Val snorts, shaking her head at Thor. “So yeah- a big criticism of the movie was that, essentially, omegas are too passive to kill with a knife.”

“What I don’t understand is how stabbing someone became more inherently aggressive than all the symptoms of being poisoned. Like the affects of poisoning on the body are pretty damn harsh even if you live. How is the act of stabbing considered more dominant than inflicting someone’s body with a poison that will make them convulse, foam at the mouth, vomit, and a bunch of other shit depending on what you’re using? Because I think poisoning is actually a lot more invasive than a simple stab wound,” Tony says. Of course that could, he reasons, be due to his experiences with it. But his opinion remains the same- taking over someone’s whole body is a lot more fucked up than just slashing and stabbing at them though he supposes stab wounds aren’t exactly _better_ per se.

“Good point, actually. Poison inflicts the whole body in a way a stab wound can’t but also don’t stab me, I feel like that would also not be fun,” Val says.

“Unless you hit something important, I guess, but in slashers that only happens when it’s convenient to kill the character,” Thor says. “So usually the omega having sex in the beginning or the minority character.”

“Point is that’s a fucking stupid criticism borne totally out of some strange notion that omegas are too passive to be monsters. And that they’d never have the level of dominance required to stab someone because I guess we’re assuming dominance is stabbing now,” Tony mumbles.

Thor frowns, “I’m concerned with the way we as a society discuss dominance because it always seems to be a way to excuse alpha’s most maladaptive, manipulative, and abusive habits. Not to mention the things we associate with dominance are often violent and controlling, and the way we talk about it is like this violence is inherent to alphas and totally unavoidable. The criticism that omegas don’t kill that way, with the implication that only alphas do, perpetuates this weird power-monster myth that, for some reason, is used to _excuse_ bad alpha behavior instead of condemning it,” he says.

Tony snickers, “ironic, considering the theme of the movie.”

*

Thor has no idea when or even how the idea occurred to him but it does occur to him that maybe if he wants to understand Tony he should do research on abuse. It might make the things Tony does make more sense with that context, and even if it doesn’t than he’ll at least learn the kind of behavior Tony is used to. He’s learned research skills for the podcast they do, he can put them to use here even if Tony is typically the one who does the most research. He also happens to be the most proficient at it, but he’s also the one most involved in publishing studies and dealing with academic sources so that makes sense. Doesn’t mean Thor is lacking for skill though, so he puts it to use.

What he finds, most unfortunately, doesn’t make him feel any better but knowing the abuse cycle does give him a rather upsetting idea that he hopes is wrong. When Tony comes home he noticed Thor’s mood is off immediately, and like he always does when he senses Thor’s mood is off, he’s standoffish, skittish.

Now Thor gets _why_ that is. Before his research he just thought Tony was bad with emotions, its not exactly wrong- he’s never met someone who is so out of touch with what they’re feeling. Now the suspicious way he watches Thor, tense like he’s waiting for something to happen, is far more insidious.

“I…” Thor trails off, unsure how to approach this and his hesitation seems to put Tony more on edge so he decides to just come out with it. “I did some reading on the cycle of abuse. I thought it might give me a better insight into how you act, or at least into how your life has gone until considerably recently. When I was reading it occurred to me that the way I act-”

“You’re _so_ not abusive, Thor,” Tony says, quick to jump to his defense and Thor sighs.

“I know that. But my behavior _does_ resemble what you’d see after the reconciliation stage of the cycle. You know, the part where things feel like the honeymoon stage of a relationship instead of an endless cycle of shit. And the way you react, always so affectionate and soft- its like… Have you been waiting for the other shoe to drop?” he asks bluntly. When he’d put the dots together he’d been somewhat offended, its not as if he’d ever treat Tony that way but Loki, for once, handed out good advice.

What’s Tony more likely to believe? The twenty-six years of abuse cycles he’s had to live through or the one year where no one abused him? The answer is obvious.

And the look on Tony’s face confirms it not that Thor had wanted it to, even if he expected it. “Not consciously,” Tony murmurs, looking away guiltily.

Thor sighs. “Tony, its okay. I get… I get why you’d be on edge after dealing with so many people mistreating you. Statistically it makes sense to think it’s only a matter or time before I do the same. But I’m not going to hurt you Tony, and I never will. Me showing affection to you and buying you gifts isn’t me trying to convince you that I care only long enough to get a chance to hurt you, its just me showing that I care,” he says.

He doesn’t know what to expect from that really, but he doesn’t expect an arm full or Tony. He wraps his arms around him anyways, carefully rubbing his back when he starts to shake. Crying, Thor assumes. “You don’t need to wait for the other shoe to drop, for me to get mad at you for some innocuous reason and use it as an excuse to mistreat you. That feeling of love and affection? That’s how a relationship is supposed to feel all the time, not just when you aren’t being abused.”

Tony doesn’t move or say anything for a long time and Thor lets him work out whatever it is that’s happening in his head. He obviously needs time to process this and frankly Thor is happy for the silence. He has no idea how he’d respond to anything Tony said or did anyways.

*

They sit in the usual circle around the table with microphones in front of them and Val looks excited. Thor just looks curious, and Tony is excited to blow everyone’s minds today. “Welcome to Things You Get Wrong, a podcast that debunks all the dumb shit people still believe even though science took a shit on it forty years ago. Today we’re talking about alpha hormones, which, _by the way_ , straight up do not exist.”

Thor and Val’s eyes practically bug out of their heads at this. “ _What_?” they asks in sync and Tony grins.

“Remember that dumb French doctor from the heats episode?” he asks and Thor and Val groan.

“Not that asshole again,” Thor mumbles.

Val sighs, “what’d the dumb French doctor do?” she asks.

Tony pulls out his notes, which he finds especially convincing not, he thinks, that anyone who wants to believe in the ‘alpha hormone’ theory will listen anyways. “So back when he was basically thinking up- warning for sexual assault and rape, this time I remembered the warning _before_ the statement. Lots of fucked up shit in this episode, please be aware. Anyways, so back when this asshole was thinking up rationalities for raping omegas he came up with this theory that alpha hormone cycles matched omega hormone cycles. Note: _theory_ , not anything observed. Like this wasn’t even like the theory of evolution where we know it happens, but not how it happens, it was just some musings of a serial rapist basically.”

Thor shakes his head in disgust but a thought obviously occurs to Val. “Wait, is this when the ‘alphas and omegas are opposites that compliment each other’ binary came from?” she asks.

“How can they compliment each other when people consistently decide that omegas are lesser than alphas? That’s not complimenting each other, that’s domination,” Thor points out.

Which, yeah. Also happened to be the entire point of this guy’s research but Tony will get there. “That’s where this came from yes, and also where the erasure of betas came into play. The whole reason that betas were so resistant to this guy’s theories, aside from it being blatantly wrong, is that his arguments eventually led to him claiming betas were a fluke of evolution and that we should breed them out.”

Val’s eyes go wide, “this fucker advocated for _genocide_ on betas?”

Tony nods, “essentially. Which, omega’s right groups, you should take into consideration before claiming no one has ever tried to kill of betas en masse in history because they were some of the first targets of eugenics movements. Along with the disabled, mentally ill, poor people, and people of color. Bonus points if you belong to more than one of those groups. Anyways, so omega’s rights movements need to do better than blatantly ignoring history to push an agenda- betas can be in the movement and not take anything from the omegas already there, assholes.”

At least Val looks vindicated, but Thor looks confused. “Then how did omegas become a prime target in eugenics later?”

Tony shrugs, “someone decided omegas didn’t compliment anything and decided only alphas should rule I guess, I don’t know the exact history. But back on topic- people took Dumb French Doctor’s theory and applied it so widely with without any real research behind it until it became common knowledge in the popular zeitgeist. In the early nineteen hundreds people started doing research on supposed alpha hormones in earnest, but didn’t find anything so they started basically rigging the research to fit what they thought was fact. So bad science. By the nineteen sixties there was a whole _flood_ of research that proved this was bullshit. Predictably, no one listened because they didn’t want to confront that everything they thought they knew was wrong.”

In sync, Thor and Val reach over and start snatching Tony’s notes. “How- well then how does one differentiate alphas from betas?” Thor asks.

Because, so popular theory goes, alpha hormones do that. “Functionally there _is_ no difference. Being an alpha literally means you have a single genetic marker that betas don’t have, that’s it. The only significant finding that science has found that differs between alphas and betas is that alphas unequivocally have a much better sense of smell and they tend to be taller. Some theorize smelling is for scenting omegas, but no one has confirmed it. And I find it curious and perhaps a little convenient that it pairs alphas and omegas together like they’re meant to be, and there’s no functional evolutionary reason alphas would have to sniff omegas. There’s lots of reasons why smelling things more strongly is useful, but none of them are to sniff omegas.”

Thor stares at the conclusions section of the paper in his hand, Val doing the same, and lets out a long sigh. “Okay. So if alpha hormones aren’t a thing how is it that this idea persists?” he asks.

“Near as I can tell because hormones themselves exist, and people assume omegas have specific hormones too. They don’t, near as science can tell, but to be fair science on omega anything is more rudimentary than it is on alphas and, surprisingly, betas. But still, nothing suggests omegas have special hormones either.”

Val looks impressed, “wow, an area where we aren’t erased for once. Nice.”

Tony nods. “Right. So hormones- everyone has ‘em, but they tend to be in different quantities. We know that men and women- using the terms somewhat loosely here because our idea of sex is also quite constructed-”

Thor cuts him off, “ _what_? Sorry, that was rude. But also what?”

He half smiles, “I’ll get to it. Anyways, so people will have higher levels of testosterone or estrogen- the usual suspects- amongst others. That’s it, and even then, to get to Thor’s question, the way we view male and female bodies is pretty flawed. I mean we assume all the plumbing in there is ‘correct’, that it all works ‘correctly’, and that its never altered over time. For example women supposedly have a uterus, ovaries, estrogen, the works, and it’s to make babies, they have a menstrual cycle, blah, blah. But uh, in practicality that’s flawed. I mean defining any group, which is always women or omegas, through reproductive capacity is gross. Plus if a woman has a hysterectomy partial or total she what, stops being a woman?”

“You know,” Val says, interrupting, “its weird to me how much we assume biology and psychology all leads to reproduction given how hard we try _not_ to reproduce. Like people act as if our every waking moment exists to fuck and have babies and yet a massive portion of our lives is dedicated to not doing half of those things.”

True, but Tony will get to that. “Good point. Plus you get to guys and what, if they get a vasectomy they stop being men?” he asks.

“That is the general consensus, yes,” Thor says.

Stupid is what that is. “We’re really going to define manhood through having kids when, near as I can tell, if they’re an alpha or a beta the only contribution we expect them to have in child rearing is blowing a damn load? If they do more than that they’re treated like the damn messiah,” Tony says, rolling his eyes.

Val nods, “that’s so true! Single mothers, they’re the worst, but single fathers? They’re doing the Lord’s work. Unless they’re single omega fathers, then they’re just as irresponsible and slutty as single mothers,” she says.

With no evidence to back up the absurd claims, yes. “Right, exactly. Plus there’s a whole group of people that have some slightly different combination of traits- intersex people are the betas of physical sex. No one talks about them or acts as if they exist,” he says. “They also tend to go through a lot of really traumatic surgeries to ‘fix’ them into being one sex or the other, which I think is abuse but whatever. Point is sex characteristics are the only real hormone differences we see- no alpha hormones, or their later addition that has also been debunked, omega hormones. We just get a different combination of them all released in a way that results in heats the same way menstrual cycles work. Not special,” he says.

Thor considers this for a long moment. “What the fuck. Also, trans people for the hormone thing and defining gender. They’re different too, and they exist. What about people who feel like they’re an alpha or an omega or a beta when they aren’t biologically that group? Do people who feel like that exist? They must,” Thor says reasonably.

“So basically the only difference between alphas, betas, and omegas is a single genetic marker and how their hormones work?” Val asks. “Not,” she says, “to be confused with having ABO specific hormones altogether.” Tony nods.

“My apologies to anyone with a menstrual cycle, your body is a cocktail of hormones and that sounds horrible. Thankfully you have menopause, which stops heats _and_ the menstrual cycle. Anyways, I can’t imagine spending a week sweating my tits off only to spend another week bleeding out my junk. That sounds like hell on earth, menopause is well earned,” he says, shaking his head sadly.

“So there is no such thing as alpha specific hormones?” Thor asks apparently for clarification. Tony nods and Thor frowns, “than what’s with all these news reports especially that blame violence on alpha hormones?”

“Well, it’s an easy pseudoscientific way to totally excuse alphas for their bad behavior by claiming its an unavoidable biological function, and its a way to ensure its never changed _because_ of that supposed biological basis,” Val says. “So once again alphas, you suck.”

Thor frowns, “so all those politicians whining about omegas not being allowed in politics because of omega hormones are spewing shit out of their ass?” he asks. Tony nods, not at all surprised given the fucking _weird_ shit that comes out of politicians mouths in regards to health. His favorite to date is the swatch of pro-life politicians who are anti health care. Because apparently health care isn’t pro-life enough.

“Yet we never seem to dismiss alphas for, according to the stereotypes, being temperamental, violent, hormonal, and prone to dictatorships. Odd how that works,” Val says, shaking her head.

Tony laughs, “and today we’ve learned that alphas, omegas, and betas are really only categorized in that way because of the way the X chromosome works, not because we have special snowflake hormones. And that we should at least hold alphas to the same ‘you can’t do things because hormones!’ arguments that they yell at the rest of us.”

“Actually we learned we should throw alphas out and replace them with betas,” Val says, causing Thor and Tony to laugh.

“Well, there is the misconception that betas have no hormones,” Thor says and Tony’s eyes bug out of his head.

“There’s a misconception that _what_?” he asks.

He doesn’t anticipate Thor and Val laughing so hard they stop making noise but they do. “Your face!” Val wheezes out.

“Everybody has hormones! Who said this! Who started it! Probably that fucking French doctor reincarnated.”

*

“You seem happy,” Rhodey notes and Tony looks up from his research, this time for his own ends, not the podcast.

He shrugs, “I am. Have been for awhile, Rhodes, you’ve just been overseas,” he teases, grinning.

Rhodey doesn’t seem to buy it though, shaking his head. “No man I mean you’re _actually_ happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you genuinely happy. I’ve seen some approximation of it, but never real happiness.”

That can’t be right, but when Tony inquires he realizes maybe too late that Rhodey is right and lets out a long sigh. “I… guess this is the first time in my life I wasn’t trapped in some abusive relationship or another. Its kind of nice,” he says, somewhat fearful that saying it out loud might jinx it somehow.

The look on Rhodey’s face reminds him of the look on Thor’s when he’s said similar things. He’s used to voicing his pain and no one listening to him and, like Rhodey when they first met, when Thor had been shocked at Tony’s casual admission of pain he’d been upset by it. But that’s his life, always has been, and until recently he wasn’t entirely convinced lives existed without the constant running of one abuse cycle or ten. He knew not everyone would treat him badly- Rhodey, Pepper, and later Happy never have, but they’re three people in a sea of everyone else in his life. They were the exception, not the rule.

And maybe he internalized all those messages that he got as a kid and an adult- that he brought this problem on himself. That, somehow, he was drawing this abuse into his life because he’s the common denominator after all. It makes sense that _he’d_ be the problem. He’s still not sure he’s convinced he isn’t, but he’s happy to live a life abuse-free however much he still feels like an imposter in a life that’s too good for him. Its selfish, he knows, to squander away the affection he gets from the people around him but he’s never claimed to be anything less than out for himself.

“Tony,” Rhodey says, drawing his attention back to him. He looks concerned with his Mom Face on, looking over Tony for any signs of distress though Tony knows he won’t find any. He’s been trained out of showing any signs of distress by a number of different people. And he supposes it helps that any time he _has_ shown distress no one listened anyways. “We all love you, you know that, right?” he asks.

He doesn’t so he sighs. Rhodey goes to speak again but Tony cuts him off. “No, and its not that I don’t trust you, or genuinely think you care, but when you’re one of three- four including Thor- people in my life _ever_ that has actually listened to me and not hurt me at some point it’s a hard pill to swallow. You guys are all exceptions to the rule, and because of that I automatically wonder when that’s going to end.” Of all the people he’d bond with over that it had been Loki, whom Tony thinks mostly made his own victimization given that Frigga loves him just fine, and while Odin obviously favors Thor he doesn’t by any stretch dislike Loki. But he still understood better than anyone else what it feels like to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop, when _this_ one was going to go bad.

Didn’t matter that that person had done nothing wrong, after a certain point you just get used to people only being nice long enough to lull you into a false sense of security and then it was your dumb ass fault for falling for it.

Thankfully unlike most, including Thor sometimes try as he might, Rhodey takes that in and processes it a little before leaning forward. “You know none of that was your fault, right? That you didn’t do any of that to you, and that if you let your guard down and someone hurts you, that’s _their_ problem, not yours?”

He swears sometimes Rhodey can read his mind. “People can’t hurt me if they don’t get the opportunity,” he says. Simple logic.

Rhodey rolls his eyes though, letting out a disgusted noise. “You shouldn’t have to hide behind an emotional wall so thick it took Thor a fucking _year_ to get past it and he’s still not in the clear. You shouldn’t need to do that so people don’t hurt you, people should just not fucking hurt you,” Rhodey snaps. He’s not mad at Tony, but his hackles still rise a little.

“Well technically it solves my problems,” Tony points out but Rhodey shakes his head.

“No it fucking doesn’t, Tony. Your problem is abusers and the only way to solve that is for them to not abuse,” he says.

Thor, always a beacon of great timing, chooses then to walk in the door. He looks between Rhodey and Tony, sensing the tension immediately, “what’s going on?” he asks, unused to tension being between the two at all.

After a few long beats Rhodey lets out a long sigh, “I’m trying unsuccessfully to convince Tony that building a hundred foot emotional wall between himself and the rest of the world is a shit way to deal with abuse.”

“In my defense technically my problems are solved,” he says but Thor shakes his head.

“No they aren’t,” he says, Tony is sure, in a sharper tone than he intended. He notices Tony tense and relaxes a little, taking a breath before he continues. “The mentality that the victim should do more, gather more evidence, _leave_ , build some kind of emotional defense, whatever, is total bullshit. What is really says, not that anyone will ever admit it, is ‘make sure they abuse someone else’. You can do everything right, be the Gold Star Victim everyone expects you to be Tony, but that isn’t your responsibility. It’s the responsibility of abusers to not abuse, and it _should_ be the responsibility of everyone else to stop telling victims to solve their abuse and hold the fucking abuser accountable for their actions. I am so sick of these absurd escape tactics when ‘stop abusing people’ is the obvious damn solution!” Thor says, clearly pissed but keeping his voice surprisingly calm and level. For Tony’s benefit, he knows, because Thor is a good man. A great man, even.

Rhodey nods, “and that Gold Star Victim shit- you remember when you were in that interview, can’t remember who it was with, but the guy basically said he respected omegas, but not the kind like you. And you said that he seemed to confuse respecting omegas with respecting omegas he views as respectable?”

Tony nods, because he’d been _livid_ that a sex life supposedly earned him the amount of disgusting disrespect he’d gotten in that interview. And yet no one ever called out the people he slept with minus three omegas. That was no coincidence either, though people acted like the fact that only omegas got burned in this purity debacle was a perfect mystery. Obliviousness is a poison that, come to think of it, reminds him a lot of gaslighting. The intent, after all, is to make him doubt that he’d ever been judged for being an omega at all and to wonder if maybe these people were reasonable and rational after all. What horse shit.

“Well,” Rhodey says, drawing Tony’s attention back to him. “That’s pretty much what a Gold Star Victim is- someone people only feel pity for because they’ve done enough arbitrary things to stop the abuse to _earn_ that pity. Its insulting to tell people they deserve that treatment until they hit some kind of ‘good enough’ standard that people are willing to extend respect and help. There shouldn’t _be_ a standard of work you have to do before you get treated with decency and respect and not blamed for your own abuse when that was never your problem,” Rhodey says, anger high on his features.

It is, Tony knows, something he’s obviously thought a lot about. He knows this both because his opinion isn’t the one he hears the most, predictably from people who have never been in an abusive situation to know what it’s like, and because Rhodey isn’t usually this direct in his words unless he’s thought about them. “That’s… hard to believe,” he says eventually even though he knows if it were anyone but him he’d whole-heartedly agree with Rhodey.

When Rhodey goes to talk Thor end sup interrupting, placing his hand on Tony’s shoulder gently. “I know, but the that’s the truth whether or not you can accept that right now.”

*

Tony and Val sit on one side of the table, nachos between them, while Thor sits on the other side of the table judging their bad eating habits silently. They don’t give a shit because _nachos_. “So,” Val says through a mouth full of nachos, “welcome to Things You Get Wrong, a podcast where apparently all we do is call alphas shit and advocate genocide against them according to Twitter user OmegasAreCucks69, whom we should all take _very_ seriously,” Val says, earning a sharp laugh from Tony and Thor. “Also if you guys haven’t seen the massive Twitter fight I got into with his guy you really should look it up because it’s absolutely _absurd_.”

Tony knows because Val had been wasted at a charity event laughing so hard she dropped her Champaign while trying to reply to this guy. So he’d gone to their Twitter page to find probably the most epic trolling event to happen in human history. The fact that this guy was so pissed off with her flippant remarks is honestly what makes the whole thing.

“Before we get into it I have to share something that I only realized watching a commercial the other day,” Thor says very seriously. Tony and Val frown, looking at him as he gathers his thoughts. “I… was watching a commercial for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the cereal… they eat each other. They’re selling this food on the basis that it’s so good they will engage in _cannibalism_ and I think that’s disturbing.”

He and Val exchange a look before she rolls her eyes, “alright, thanks for that totally useless anecdote, Thor. So on this show we do a lot of wondering where the hell betas went in history. So we’re doing a whole episode on betas!” she says excitedly. Thor still looks confused and a little horrified but Tony leaves him with his thoughts and moves on.

“And it all starts with alphas,” he says, earning an immediate dirty look from Val, causing him to laugh. “You guys should see her face, it’s so funny. Okay, okay. Lets start here. So approximately ten to fifteen thousand years ago humans were going extinct and a genetic mutation happened, out popped omegas, blah, blah. Alphas didn’t come along until late- approximately a couple thousand years later- and honestly appear to be a genetic fluke that just refused to die out. Anyways, betas were like ‘we don’t like you because you’re tall, and you can smell when the berries are going bad, so we’re going to kill you all’.”

Thor’s eyes double in size, “they tried to _genocide_ alphas?”

He nods, “yeah. So alright- how we figured this out. In South America there were all these places where they’d find like mass graves and shit, and archeologists _thought_ that these were human sacrifices. The theory was that the strongest and most able bodied were given to the gods-” Thor starts laughing, cutting him off.

“That is so predictable, of _course_ they’d all think ‘oh, all these strong strapping alphas were clearly sacrificial because that’s the only viable reason we can think of as to why people would kill the strongest of the pack,’” Thor says in a mocking voice. Which honestly is insulting considering the actual events that happened, Tony thinks, but the arrogance truly is astounding.

Tony snorts, “right? And then like… every single crime show always has that one line where they’re like ‘killers always go for the weakest members of society. Omegas and children.’ Because _clearly_ we are all on par with a bunch of tiny humans with no viable autonomy outside of an adult on account of no way to hold a job to pay for life. Obviously omegas are equal to that.”

“Back to the betas,” Val says and Tony nods.

“Yes, the betas. So at first this was a South American thing, but then people started finding these kinds of graves pretty much all over the world. Africa being the exception, but that’s sort of up in the air because people stole some artifacts, and maybe some bodies, we don’t know. Anyways so everywhere except Africa maybe. And people were fucking baffled because why were all these alphas tossed into pits that were clearly dug out? Like they found evidence eventually that this was not at all consistent with any kind of human sacrifice, no gods wanted alphas according to various clues at the time, and these pits were dug purposefully.”

Val rubs her temples, “I’m going to regret saying betas should run everything, aren’t I?”

Tony nods, “yeah, probably if you don’t already. So eventually people find enough evidence from various cultures to gather that betas really did not like alphas. They were a weird genetic fluke that started popping up, they seemed to breed too fast, they spread a lot. Basically all those stereotypes about immigrants were applied to alphas. There’s evidence they spread fast, but there’s evidence omegas did too and betas didn’t seem to care about them.”

“Then why did they care about alphas?” Thor asks.

Tony sighs, “sort of up for debate still, but people think- and I don’t know how much to buy into this for reasons we’ve talked about a million times- that alphas seemed to have a preference for omegas and betas were like ‘hey. We like our omegas alpha free you weird heat sensing freak. Off with your head.’ Only the head thing was sometimes literal. Oh, and alphas really can smell when heats are coming because of their acute sense of smell. So Thor, step up your damn sniffing game and give a guy a warning,” he says.

Thor looks away a little guiltily, “I um… actually usually I can smell it days ahead of time but never said anything because I know how much you hate when alphas sniff you and comment on it,” he says and isn’t that the sweetest thing in the world.

“Well thanks for nothing _Thor_ ,” Tony jokes. “Seriously though, I actually would appreciate the warning and I know you’re not being an ass so.”

“You’ve got a day and a half at best,” Thor tells him and Tony lets out a long groan.

“I swear to _god_ it came like yesterday,” he mumbles.

“Twenty two days ago, actually,” Thor says and Tony gives him a weird look seconded only by Val’s confused look.

“Uh, back to the betas because Thor’s weird heat smelling abilities freaks me out,” she says and then, because she’s an asshole, she leans into Tony’s space and sniffs him. He bats her away, annoyed and she shrugs. “You smell like nachos to me,” she says.

Yeah, okay. “Can we resist sniffing me? That’s weird. So okay, the betas. So after finding a bunch of evidence that these are basically mass graves all over the world archeologists basically come to the conclusion that betas decided that they didn’t like alphas pretty much everywhere all around the same time and decided to just… yeeted them into pits.”

Val starts laughing, probably not helped by Thor’s horrified face, trying her best to keep nacho remains in her mouth as she does so. “I can’t believe you described mass genocide as ‘yeeting’,” she says eventually.

“I mean… it’s accurate. Betas are fucking _brutal_. Honestly I feel terrible for the alphas of the time, like they went through some shit.” And the scale of it, for the time, was huge. Technically the deaths were around the same as witch trials, but that’s still a large amount of people.

Thor perks up, “we’ve covered everyone!” he says with way too much excitement. “What? Now alphas, betas, _and_ omegas have all been victims of genocide at this point. Why’d the betas stop offing alphas though?” he asks.

Tony shrugs, “near as anyone can tell they got tired of keeping up and figured fuck it, they’re tall and they can smell too much, but they can smell omegas heats so we’ll sic ‘em on the omegas and tell ‘em to take care of them. Which works, by the way, and even though betas still tried to make an effort to not have alphas sleep with anyone but other alphas they did make for good care givers. Probably because of that being able to smell heats coming, which is the only time that ‘they developed the ability to smell heats’ argument will be valid, by the way. Though it does appear that was already a thing when the mutation appeared. Alphas did a lot of early health care for omegas before they got arrogant and took over, though.”

Val frowns, “how’d that happen?”

“Agriculture. When we stopped being nomadic, or not quite settled in one spot, alphas slowly started to take things over. Took them two thousand years to manage, which really does make the process to yeeting them out of total control over politics, omegas bodies in particular, and betas rights kind of astonishing. Turns out you can spend a couple thousand years trying to suppress people but eventually they get annoyed. And also that genocide is shit, doesn’t work, and also what the _fuck_? Val, on behalf of all betas explain your ancestors,” he says.

Thor snorts, “ah, the weird ‘explain how ever person in your minority group thinks’ thing. I think we should use it as a reason to feel hope though- look at that everyone who has ever been the target of genocides, you too can get some farm land and oppress everyone else if you’re just persistent enough to keep being born at high rates,” he says.

Val frowns a little but Tony nods, “actually the fact that there were like _no_ repercussions from this is super weird because typically we hold grudges for _ever_. I mean look at how long we’ve hated every other group but like alphas, you guys hit a really nasty patch but bounced back in a truly unprecedented way. It’s like you were so aggressively around that betas just stopped hating you. Also omegas are weirdly absent from all of these narratives and lets be real, they one hundred percent encouraged this in some capacity, lets not give them a free pass.” They tended to get one in history even when they have, on many occasions, committed terrible atrocities but they’re thought of as non-violent so hard that people simply brush over their crimes.

“Wait, so all those theories that alphas were around first were lies?” Val says, realizing _way_ too late the implications of Tony’s research.

He grins, “yep. Part of this discovery was finding out that alphas were the _last_ to come around, which was revolutionary in the scientific field, but barely even touched on in popular media. For almost all of recent history we all thought we started with alphas, or some weird fringe theories that it was omegas, but turns out it was betas the whole time and you guys were _dicks_ in early history.”

“Oh omegas were too,” Val mumbles.

“I mean yeah, that’s more than probable,” he admits easily. He can’t imagine that alphas could have been targeted the way they were without at least complacency from omegas. “Also is anyone concerned that we have accidentally proven Twitter user OmegasAreCucks69 correct?” he asks.

Val rolls her eyes, “OmegasAreCucks69 can eat my ass,” she mumbles. Tony wrinkles his nose, wondering why she thinks she deserves such treatment but Thor’s movement catches his eye.

Thor sits back in his seat. “So today I guess we learned that if betas are in charge genocide happens so Val’s theories are invalid and wrong,” he says. Val flips him off and Tony laughs.

“I mean, yeah kind of. Alphas had it _rough_ when they first came around, but I am impressed with your ability to bounce back though I think maybe you flew too far in the other direction given the amount of genocides you’ve caused. Which means omegas should get a shot because, to our current knowledge, omegas have never started a genocide. Though there was this weird cult of omegas in a jungle in Russia once but the conditions were so harsh the omegas ended up all dead in like a sixty year period so they were no threat to anyone but themselves,” he says. Though reading about finding a bunch of feral people discovered post World War Two with no knowledge of World War Two had been a fascinating read even if they all died off fast after discovery. Leading theory, for good reason, was exposure to new diseases.

Val sighs, “I’m disappointed in betas for trying to kill the tits out of alphas.”

“I object to omegas leading, you guys have been too quiet during genocides everyone else has started,” Thor says, “now we’re all unfit to lead. We should let the cats take over.”

Tony snorts and starts laughing.

*

Rhodey squints at the headline and yeah, Tony did too. Thor had laughed so hard that he cried until Tony told him it wasn’t satire. Then he was just sad. “We… should accept oppression because… lobsters have a hierarchy?” he asks, face wrinkled in confusion. Which is impressive for a guy with skin as nice as Rhodey’s.

Tony shrugs, “guess so. Thor, you were wrong about the cats. Lobsters are our overlords now,” he says.

Poor Thor, he wilts in his seat looking dejected. “I just don’t understand how lobster behavior influences human behavior,” he says sadly.

Rhodey frowns, “yeah, and isn’t it weird how people cherry pick the hell out of what supposedly explains human behavior? Like animals kill each other a lot and also eat their young, but no one advocates that we eat our young and kill each other,” he says.

Tony snorts, “because that doesn’t conveniently explain why we should keep the status quo the same like lobster hierarchy apparently does. Plus like… we don’t explain other animal’s behavior by comparing them to another species. Like we aren’t out there like ‘male lions are lazy because… penguins’ because that’s nuts. But apparently humans have alphas that dominate all and get a free pass for treating people like shit because some dipshit studied wolves in captivity with non-family members, which screwed the whole study up and assumed that being an alpha meant being a jackass. Which, conveniently, fit the social narratives of alphas at the time.”

And still, but he doesn’t need to say that. Rhodey frowns, “wait, is the wolf thing legit? Because that’s too weirdly specific not to be legit.”

“Its legit,” Tony confirms. “And now I guess lobsters are the new wolves. We should do our podcast episode on this,” Tony says to Thor, who lets out a long groan in reply. Tony grins, forwarding the article to Val for funsies.

“I thought you guys were doing like… I don’t know the name for it. The trans equivalent for ABO scores. Because I am damn curious about the local alpha that thinks they’re an omega,” Rhodey says.

“Well,” Tony says, “from our research they _are_ that score regardless of bio mix-ups. Like trans people. Pretty sure everyone who listens is curious about that but lobster hierarchy to explain human oppression and why we should keep it- also a compelling topic.”

Given that Thor looks dead inside Tony is sure he doesn’t agree. Rhodey frowns, “that’s definitely not as compelling,” he says just as Tony’s phone goes off.

He raises an eyebrow at the video call request from Val but accepts it anyways, laughing when he sees her confused face on the other end. “Human oppression explained by lobster hierarchy? What the fuck did you force my eyes to look at?” she asks.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
